baby bird.

at the time i was seeing this douchebag.

he was super skinny and drove a corvette.

NOTE TO PEOPLE.... the kind of cars that people drive.... it's important. and i'll get to that later.... NEVER DATE A GUY WHO DRIVES A CORVETTE!!!! consider yourself warned.

he was a guy that everyone always said was soooo handsome and such a stud and such a keeper and i was so lucky to have him. (mind you, i never thought he was soooo handsome) i think i probably only semi liked him initially because everyone else wanted him so bad and for whatever reason, he wanted me....

he was a baby.

a crybaby.

he whined all the time.

complained about everything.

i remember one time, he got mad at me for singing in the car.

seriously.

he said, "music makes you so happy. how come i don't make you that happy?"

i didn't say anything....

because if i had opened my mouth, it wouldn't have been nice.

i think we dated for like 3 months or so....

UGH!!!!!

3 months FAR too long.

i remember he didn't want me to ever go out with my friends.

in fact, he hated my best friend....

he hated her because he said "you like her more than you like me."

i DEFINITELY had my blinders on then....

however, one afternoon, my best friend and i totally left work early and headed to the beach (and the rows of bars that lined this beach).... we were going in for ONE drink and an appetizer....

welllll, we each ordered our 1 drink and no joke, before we even had a few sips of our drink, we had 3 other shots (each) in front of us.... we were at some hole in the wall bar and it was filled with a bunch of guys.... i'm sure we knew what we were doing, but we really weren't talking to anyone else.

the bartender said, "oh this shot's on _____" and then pointed to some other douchebag looking guy in the middle of a much bigger group of guys.... we were like "ohh hey. thanks! (douchebag)" okay, so we mumbled the DB part, but laughed about it to each other.... we REALLY didn't plan on going to this bar and getting completely hammered!!!! but before we knew it.... no appetizers were consumed, however 3 very tall washington apple shots and some smirnoff something rathers were consumed.... we were HAMMERED!!!! sooo hammered that i remember thinking to myself, "did i bring a purse? if i brought my purse, i don't remember having it.... where is my purse? wait, did i even bring a purse?" i also remember thinking at some point during the night, "how the hell are we going to get home? we totally drove here with the intent to drink ONE drink each and eat.... wait, how did we get here? whose car did we bring here?" this is true. i remember thinking that. and then thinking it again and again and again.... i remember we called a coworker to come get us, but told him that he needed to bring another person so they could drop him off and he could drive our car home. i don't know how we managed to get that out (maybe my friend told him) but we got it right.... so he came and got us and she drove with his friend and i was in my car with him... and i just remember saying over and over again, "i didn't eat. i'm gonna throw up." and he kept telling me we were almost there.... and i kept saying "PULL OVER! I'M GONNA PUKE!" so he pulled over to some scary park bathroom (which i now know AFTER the fact, because at the time, i had no idea where we were, except that it reminded me of a beach bathroom...)

anyway, since i had totally forgotten about my purse that night, it meant that i forgot about my phone that night too... which i had about 27 missed calls and probably 50+ text messages and no i'm not exaggerating.

you see, baby bird (as i like to call him), was all "worried" about me and called all of my family and had them drive out to the beach to look for me too.... it was ridiculous.... i'm sure some of you are saying, "awwww, that's not ridiculous... he cared about you." YES IT WAS RIDICULOUS!!!!! IT WAS BARELY 7 O CLOCK!!!! THAT IS RIDICULOUS!!!!! IIIIF it were like midnight, MAYBE i could understand this a little bit more.... but it wasn't.... i got home (hammered) with my best friend and he was on his way there.... (he had an apt key i had let him borrow because he was off work earlier than me one day and wanted to go hang out at my apt until i got off.) or so that was the story he gave. now that i look back, he was probably totally all up in my shit and snooping through everything i had... which is where my tiffany's ring went. i just know it.... but whatever.

i stumbled in MY apt and to the bathroom.... my girlfriend was there and i remember feeling soo sick that i went and stripped down and filled up the bathtub with hot water.... i got in there sticking my face like halfway under water and we started talking crap about him....

i was saying, "he's such a baby. my gosh!" i guess minutes later, he came in and came into the bathroom.... i had the shower curtain pulled closed because my friend was on the other side sitting in the bathroom laughing and joking with me.... and then all of a sudden, the curtain pulled back and there he was.... !!!! UGH!!! baby bird.... he was like, "OMG! LOOK AT YOU!!! you're not even YOU!" all of my built up anger towards him came out. i totally mocked him and was like "wah wah wah. you're such a big effing baby." i was MEAN.... i mean, MEAN mean.... not just like semi-mean. i was freakin MEAN! and he deserved it. he is gross and disgusting and totally just gross and disgusting and he didn't deserve to even be in my life for a minute, let alone 3 months on and off.... who goes on and off after 3 months? that should have been my first clue, that HELLO!!!! something wasn't right!!!!

UGH! it is honestly bringing vomit into the back of my throat just thinking about it.

i guess baby bird says more about me than it does about him.

i was stupid.

like STUPID, stupid.

i totally ended this relationship, but ended it because he told me i needed to go to rehab. SERIOUSLY?! rehab? because i was a lightweight, and totally couldn't handle alcohol for a night? funny that the very first night we ever hung out was at a concert.... a concert where i had a few drinks. i wasn't hammered, but he obviously knew then, that i liked to have drinks occasionally. stupid. wow. he was lame. and so were his parents, whom i never met, but they were like older than my grandparents. and the whole situation was just weird.

oh! another story about baby bird....

he said he didn't want me watching american idol.

he said he thought i fantasized about the guy singers on there, because they could sing and he couldn't.

SERIOUSLY?!

OMG!

and one of the most annoying things that he did was practice his golf swing any and everywhere you were. he didn't care who he was talking to, he practiced his golf swing.

I.

HATE.

GOLF.

i wasn't in love.

i was insecure....