Wednesday, June 2, 2010

part 7 mr clean.- roommate-ectomy.

the beginning of mr clean.






fun fact: i believe "-ectomy" is the removal of something....

.... day after day went by....
every morning i'd come downstairs after he'd left for work and check the notice to vacate.
still.... nothing.
no signature, but mine.

and then one morning,
it was gone.
no. flipping. way.
did he sign it?
did he sign it and turn it in to the front office?
i called the front office and asked if they'd received our notice to move out.
nope!
they hadn't received it.
what the hell did he do with the effing thing?
was that a tease?
did he WANT me to think he turned it in?
asshole.

i didn't bother calling him anymore.
so i figured i'd just wait until we crossed paths later that night.
i asked him about it and he had mentioned he picked it up earlier and thought about signing it....

"aaaand?" i'd asked.

"and what?" he asked back.

"sooooo?" i'd asked.

"so what?" he asked back.

real flipping mature, jack ass.
my conversation with this bald headed jerk was going no where.... fast.

he walked out onto the patio and lit one up....
smoked with his arms crossed, staring at me through the screen.... like an asshole.
he tilted his head back to blow the smoke out of his mouth, (while staring at me still) but looked like a smart ass instead.
"what a dick!" i couldn't help but think to myself multiple times.
i don't know what prevented me from stabbing a knife through the screen and into his eyeballs on multiple occasions either.
but i didn't.
it wasn't worth it.
it wasn't worth giving up the freedom that was so close, yet so far away....
at the times it felt close, i could almost taste it.
i could taste a cold daquiri on my lips.... laying poolside, without a care in the world....
without feeling an obligation to anyone else....
i could feel my cowboy boots scuffing the dance floor as i linedanced to my favorite tunes.
i could taste freedom, like a popsicle on a hot, summer day....
it was close....
or so i had hoped....

he put out his cigarette and came in....
eyes still peeled to me, as if his mind was going a million miles a minute, but the words just stayed behind....
he hadn't said a word....
until he came in and walked right by me....
says, non-chalantly, "i threw it away. i'm not signing it."

ASSHOLE!!!!
ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE!!!!!

holy FUCK i was pissed!
i knew this wasn't going to be easy....
it was april.
i was getting my tonsils out on may 8th.
i thought i'd be out by then....
but once you turn the notice in,
it's 30 days from the day you turn it in.
fuck!
i was still going to be living there on the 8th.... and apparently weeks after too!

i continued to print the notices.
i signed and dated them.
and each day,
he'd remove them.
only to throw them away.
i did this 8 times.
one.
two.
three four five sixseveneightfucking times!
i don't know WHY i did it so many times....
i guess i was just being a stubborn BITCH, but i did it eight times anyway....

finally, i knew this was just going to go on forever, (or until my work fired me for wasting their paper....) and at the rate we were going, i'd figured the latter would come first.

so i went to the front office one day.
it was a rainy ass day, and i felt like i was at the bottom.
i'd lost hope of saving my "reputation."
no one knew there were any ongoing issues....
at least i don't think they did.....
but at this point, i didn't care who thought i was fucked up beyond repair....
shit i didn't care if they FIRED me at this point, i needed to get the HELL out of that damned place!!! (the home we were renting, not the job)....
i went to the office when the manager was in...
i went into her office and sat down with her and told her, "look, i want to get out.... badly. i've signed 8 different notices to move out and he has thrown all 8 away.... he refuses to sign them. what do i do from here? i don't want the entire company knowing my business, but i need help...." i broke down into tears in her office. i knew this lady was going everywhere with my business....
and shortly after that, i started getting phone calls from people.
"i'm sorry. you guys are in a lease together.... you can't move out and hold him responsible, unless he releases you from the lease," is one of the things i'd heard.
"you can't force him out," is another.
"he HAS to sign the notice," was another.
"i'll see what i can do," was the most hopeful thing i'd heard....
that was from my regional.
i felt like at least SHE had my back....

i sat there wondering how the hell i was going to get out of this....
and then it hit me....
we hadn't lived there for a year yet!!!
in fact at this point, it was reaching the 5 month point!!!!
this is GOOD!!!!

and it is good, because....
there is something, somewhere in the lease agreement that says that if you are living in your apartment for less than a year, and your lease expiration is approaching, the management company can ask you to leave without having to provide any reasonable explanation.... (actually i think it's more like, "we can choose not to renew your lease without providing explanation," or something to that extent.)
so i went to my regional with THAT!
"can they serve US a 30 day notice to vacate the premises and not tell us why?" i'd asked desperately, "can they PLEASE?!!"
i was beyond desperate at this point....
and THAT worked....
no. FLIPPING. way.....
she'd contacted our front office and had the manager send US a notice that they were choosing NOT to renew our month to month lease agreement without any explanation.....
i'd made sure he was the one to receive it too!
so it was on the door when he came home....
he came to me and asked, "what's this all about?"

"oh shit!" i thought, "he KNOWS i told them to do it!!!"
"what is what all about?" i'd asked back, like i had no idea what the hell he was talking about.

"what does this mean?" he'd asked.

i said, "let me see it."
looked at it and said, "i think this means we have to move out in 30 days..."
he starts going on and on about how they can't do that, and "what's their reason for this?"
and blah blah blah....
i pulled out the lease and showed him exactly where it stated they COULD, in fact, do what they just did and then i proceeded to show him the line that HE signed SAYING they could do just that!!! he didn't know what to say.....
"i guess i'll start looking for a place," he said....

"YES!!!!! FUCKING YESSSSSSSSS!" i thought!
"holy shit!!! THIS WORKED!!!!"
i was hoping the excitement wasn't too apparent....
"do you need help finding a place?" i'd asked.
"not right now.... i'm good."
wooooo fucking hooooo!!!!!
i was elated.
beyond thrilled.
jumping for joy inside....
and when he walked out of the room, i even jumped for joy on the outside too....

may 8th came up and bit my ass much faster than i thought it would.

somehow during this time, we'd managed to become friends again....
we played video games together....
he was showing me places he had found and was thinking of renting....
i didn't know if it was real or not, but i think the excitement just took over me....
i didn't hate him anymore....
we were moving out....
and would be moving on....
and suddenly, being under the same roof wasn't all that bad.

on may 8th, he'd offered to take me to have my tonsils removed.
it was a quick outpatient procedure and he was an ICU nurse, and he would be the one who would have to wake up that early 430 am or whatever it was.... yeah whatever.
i don't know what i was thinking either, but i let him take me.....
and he waited for me while they took my tonsils out and he came in the back to see me after i recovered, although i didn't say much.
he went and filled my prescriptions for me....
went and bought some bullshit for me to eat.
and by bullshit, yes, i mean bullshit.
he got like soy fucking pudding.
yeah, have you ever eaten soy fucking pudding?
it tastes like shit!
i got all excited to eat chocolate pudding, and it tasted like rotten ass milk!!
i'm pretty sure he did that on purpose.
just to torture me.
but whatever.
i just didn't eat it....
and even though i was deathly hungry, i didn't care.
i was not going to eat some bullshit ass imitation pudding.
i wanted FOOD, dammit!
i wanted a freakin steak and baked potato....
do you know what it is like having tonsils, the size of bull testes removed from your throat?
it effing sucks.
and not just like sucks a little bit.
it sucks a lot of bit.
it's not like your wisdom teeth, where you can bite down on gauze to stop the bleeding....
no.
it's like "oh. your mouth is bleeding? well why don't you swallow it. go ahead, keep swallowing. you'll eventually puke it all up and it'll come out of your nose and you'll pretty much think you're dying.... but just go ahead and SWALLOW IT!!!!!"
do you know how many times i woke up because "a tiny artery ruptured in my throat" in the middle of the night (and day)?? yeah. more than i would have liked to.....
it was the most AWFUL experience (besides living with him), that i'd ever experienced....
it was like SQUIRTING in the back of my mouth and all i could do was swallow the freakin blood... SICK!!!!

whoa! way off topic!
back to the whole "mr clean" story.
sorry.
he seriously took off like 2 weeks or something like that to take care of me.....
he was a registry nurse, so he pretty much told them when he wanted to work....
and told them he'd needed time to get me healthy again.
that was nice, huh?
but i'm pretty sure he didn't do anything that didn't benefit him (or HOPEFULLY benefitted him) either....
i think he just wanted the time off....
or had hoped i'd change my mind about moving.

i ditched the bull testes tonsils....
and was on my way to ditching the roommate....

things were headed in the right direction....

12 comments:

Ms. Anthropy said...

Good riddance to bad rubbish!

baygirl32 said...

Well at least you found a way around the signature.... good riddance tonsils!

Marlene said...

Boy, he was a real Richard Cranium!!! (My "euphemism" of the day).

Pat Tillett said...

One sick bastard...

John McElveen said...

Pathological...you are very fortunate to have escaped that Black Hole!

John

Ashley King said...

@Ms. A. YES!!! move along now, move along. ;)

@baygirl, you just don't even know the relief i felt that day.... and the days after.... it literally felt like a weight was lifted off of my heart.... like i could breathe again!!!

@Marlene, YES! he DEFINITELY WAS!!!!

@pat, who? him or me? lol.

@ John, yes. it would have gone on forever.... it did go on for as long as we did.... and i'm sure even after... however, i couldn't stick around to find out anymore.... honestly, the thought of it now, if i thought about how stupid i was then, could turn my stomach.... i give thanks every single day that i am not in that situation any longer.... i give thanks that i woke up somehow, some way and decided to get out.... however, it wasn't without a few relapses....

buymebarbies said...

What a feeling of relief!! That lifted your spirits knowing it was just a matter of time!! I love the "Richard Cranium" comment!!

John McElveen said...

YOU--Are a SURVIVOR, and look at what you learned--no matter how great the pain...these memories are helping a lot!

John

LOL--word verification is neat sometimes--this one is: uroodear!

U R a Dear!!! Cool!

W.C.Camp said...

Uh ... I am not entirely clear on the story, did you like or hate the roommate, tonsils, and the soy pudding?
Sincerely, Mr. Dense Cranium.

Ya done good kid! Watch what YE sign and with WHO in the future! - W.C.C.

Dr. Heckle said...

So like, "burrito-ectomy," is what I did today after going to Taco Bell yesterday? ;P

Ashley King said...

WCC. lesson learned! ;)

@Dr Heckle.... HOLY CRAP you crack me up... yeah, i think that's what it's called..... but burrito-ectomy sounds better than bull teste-ectomy...

Ashley King said...

@John, you leave me great comments!!! thank you!!!! =)

they are wonderful reminders.... life can be so much worse.... so when i complain, i just take a quick look back and am EVER so thankful to have moved forward!! =)